Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Spring is in the air

The snow in my yard is almost gone. Once the afternoon sun warms up the ground my boots sometimes squish in the mud. I love that. The air smells fresh and the birds are coming back. Signs of spring are all around. Yesterday I got out in the yard to start some raking. I cleared out my front yard garden bed and discovered some tulips popping up. I planted a ton of fall bulbs last year so I am very excited to see what new treasures I will find this year.

my herb and flower flat


italian flat parsley


A few weeks ago I started some seeds inside. I planted Italian flat parsley, oregano, chives and snap dragons. I haven't planted from seed too many times before so I decided to start with herbs and flower this year and stick to buying my veggies from plant.

chives


I have been busy working on my garden plan. I want to add to more small grow beds for my kids to call their own. After reading this great book called Grow it, Cook it each kid decided what they want to plant in their gardens. I also plan on ripping up more grass (hate it) and putting in a new path way that leads to my grow bed area. I will be adding low creeping thyme between the stepping stones and around the edges of my raised beds.

Last fall I started working on creating a children's garden. I moved the sandbox and playhouse to one area of the yard and dug out a half circle of garden space around it. My plan is to grow tall bush like plants giving the area a wall creating a "secret" space for the kids to play.

I absolutely love this time of the year. I sit on my deck sipping warm tea, staring at my yard dreaming of what I can do this upcoming season.

Happy spring!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Moving on

Friday was a week since Zimo's death. Needless to say it was a very long week. The warm spring weather didn't help our grief. I found myself pining for his companionship. I missed taking him on walks, playing outside and trips to the dog park. I miss him. I surprised myself though and started looking through the list of available dogs for adoption. At first I felt guilty and then I found it brought great comfort to me for some reason. The experience of adopting a dog in need had such an impact on my life I now realize I will be involved with adoption forever.

The day Zimo died I swore I would never get another pet. I could not possibly go through this level of loss again. As the week went on and I had more time to reflect I suddenly realized I was thinking about it all in the wrong way. I could not let my fear of loss hold me back. I had in fact chosen to get pregnant again after losing my first baby despite the incredible amount of loss and grief losing "little" brought me. Loving and losing is hard but if we are so afraid of it why do we get married, have children, form friendships, or get into relationships when we know one day we will lose them all? We do it because we were meant to love. For this reason I have decided that adopting another dog is what I want to do. My family on the other hand might not be quite so ready. I will need to give them the time they need to grieve and heal in their own way and when we are all ready we will make the decision together.

The hard part is I actually found a dog from the adoption list that in my opinion seems perfect for us. I can't stop thinking about him. he is currently in a foster home but needs to find a forever home. When you adopt a dog out of foster care you are actually saving two lives. The dog you adopt and another one because once you rescue the dog out of the foster home it opens up a space for another dog to be pulled out of the high kill shelter and give them a longer chance at living. It is a wonderful thing.

My heart will always love Zimo but I know I have room to love again. I choose to believe he would want us to save another one of his friends from the South who so desperately want to be adopted.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Goodbye sweet Zimo


Zimo at about 3 months. This was the picture we saw in the Internet and fell in love with.

Our beloved Zimo, who we adopted last summer passed away on Friday. He was 11 months old. It happened within a matter of minutes. He has been healthy with absolutely no problems whatsoever. He had a normal day at home with me today as he always does. At around 4:00 as the kids were sitting on the couch and I was at my desk, Zimo was laying on his favorite dog bed in the middle of the living room and he started convulsing. I immediately called the emergency vet number but as I was on the phone with them getting directions in a matter of minutes his bowls went and the convulsions started slowing down. I knew at this point he was gone. I ran next door to get my neighbor to watch the kids so I could rush him to the vet but she confirmed he was really gone. I don't understand. He went from normal to dead in 5 minutes. We are told it must have been a genetic issue with his heart or brain. There were no warning signs, he did not seem to suffer at all. It just happened so fast. Before I could really understand what was happening he was gone.


Getting Zimo off the truck after his trip from Tennessee.


getting ready for the drive back to VT

Adopting Zimo was a long journey for us. We took a few years discussing the idea of getting a dog and researching what we wanted to get. Zimo came into our life on a whim. We adopted him from a local rescue organization called Golden Hugs Rescue. They rescue dogs who are homeless in the South and have them transported to the East Coast. We fell in love with his picture on the Internet and traveled to NH to meet him after his long journey from Tennessee.

He was young and crazy at first but quickly became a part of our family.

I miss everything. I miss his dog hair all over the house, I miss having to take him out go to the bathroom on freezing cold days, I miss our long walks, I miss taking him to the dog park, I miss playing ball in the back yard, and I miss his non stop need for love and attention. I miss him. This morning after dropping off the kids at school, coming home to an empty house was very hard. The house is so quiet and I just don't know what to do with my self right now. It just doesn't seem fair.

We are beside ourselves with grief. He was just about to turn 1 and was just way too young.

I don't know that I can do this again. A part of me wants to adopt again soon because life without a dog seems so strange now. The other part of me is so afraid to go through this loss again. I know what happened to Zimo was very rare but it hurts so much to think about it. I can't get the image of my puppy dying in front of me out of my head. For some reason I am finding comfort in looking at other rescue dogs who need homes. At first I felt guilty about doing it but now I see it more as an honor to Zimo.


enzo with his best pal Zimo last month.

I have no regrets about adopting him. He was meant to be on this earth for a short time for some reason but we rescued him when he needed a home and we gave him a wonderful life while he was here. Please consider adoption if you are getting a pet. We learned through this process that there are so many unwanted animals out there. Zimo had been found in a box with 10 other puppies. Just left by themselves. If you are in VT, ME, NH, MA please consider Golden Huggs Rescue. I cannot even being to explain how incredibly helpful they were to us from the beginning to the end. If and when we are ever ready to take on another dog we will absolutely rescue with them again.



Thank you Zimo for coming into our lives and showing us how much love we have to give. I regret that your last day with us wasn't the best. It was too cold and icey to play ball outside, I had too many errands to run to spend as much quality time with you that day as I normally do. I wish I had stopped and given you one last hug before you went away. I will continue to feel good about the fact that we gave you a loving home and you were able to be at home with me every singe day since we got you. I have learned to slow down a little bit more and make sure each day I have with my family is the best it can be. Life is short and unpredictable. Hug the ones you have in your life - human and non just a bit tighter today.

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow does not yet exist, we only really have today.

Goodbye Zimo. We love you very much.

xoxo

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Tea


Tea
Originally uploaded by subsixstudios
I am a lover of tea. I used to be a lover of coffee but we got into a big fight after I had my babies and we broke up. Since then tea has been my daily calm. My favorite tea right now is Yogi Tea lemon ginger in the morning and Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice in the afternoon. A good hot cup of chamomile is always the best way to end the day before bed.

Monday, March 02, 2009

looking for light

I feel like I am losing it today. Money, winter blues, it's all adding up.

losing it

I am starting to lose it. I feel out of touch with everything at this moment.